Friday, 8 October 2010

Slipping Away

Some nights I find myself wide awake at 2am listening to my heart chase memories round my mind and feeling sweat prickle in my pores as I try to recall my exact emotions upon first holding my baby in my arms.

I stare fixedly at the darkness and try to remember the feel of his wizened little fingers, the weight of his sleeping body on my lap and the snuffling slurps that sounded when he fed, worrying that day by day, hour by hour these memories are slipping through the gaps in my remembrance and dispersing like warm breath into mist.

I feel the steady drain of time slipping through my fingers and panic that my photographs are too few and that their quality is substandard; that my keepsake box is too empty and that my reflections here are too vague

And as the quiet rhythm of my little boy breathing gently lulls me back to sleep I have to remind myself that trying to hold on to the present is as futile as trying to hold happiness in the palm of my hand and that the beauty of a rainbow is in its transient and ephemeral splendour.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Helen. I just adore your blog. It's so fun to experience this adventure of new motherhood with you and remember how I felt all those years ago. You write so beautifully. What a treasure you will have here as your little boy grows.