Monday, 21 February 2011

A Decision


Even though I knew in my heart that I wouldn't be returning to work  even before my babe was born, I still left it until the last possible moment to post the letter that finally sealed my fate.

"I'm going to wait and see how I feel" I repeated, endlessly, to everyone who asked me, smuggling my decision silently in my heart like a guilty secret.

"It's such a hard decision to make" I said for the benefit of those that were shifting uneasily in their shoes and muttering defensively that they simply 'didn't have the choice'.

"I'm thinking of working from home," I added as a conciliatory afterthought for those who still looked unimpressed by my indulgent indecision.

And so, even though I'd known since I was just a little girl that I wanted to stay at home and bring up a baby I waited and waited to tell the world , putting off the moment when my secret became a reality and allowing myself to believe that it really was a hard decision to make.

Yesterday I finally posted the letter that's been sitting at the back of my mind for months and sitting in my changing bag for days.

I popped it in the postbox and walked away, and it wasn't difficult at all.

It was inevitable and easy and right, and I realised that if I could just have stopped worrying about what other people might think I could have posted it weeks before.

7 comments:

  1. My youngest will be 11 in a few weeks and I still haven't gone back to work. I don't intend to either. People wonder what I do all day and how we can afford it but it is nobody's business but ours.

    Enjoy being at home Helen x

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  2. Being at home. Such vital work. I knew in my heart too.

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  3. I went back to work after each of my first two but am at home now both for them and my third baby. It is so special and I feel very lucky to spend this time with him, even though some days I could cry with frustration, to see the world through his enthusiastic eyes is wonderful.
    Now it's done you can stop carrying the weight of it around with you.

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  4. Well done on making a difficult decision. I know you will have a wonderful time at home together and make lots of memories for you both. x

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  5. Crikey I bet you feel relieved now the deed is done - lol!
    Relax in a decision well made because it was your decision :)
    L.x.
    PS Your changing bag must be very organised - there is no way a business letter would have been been presentable after a couple of days in my changing bag - LOL!!

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  6. When I gave up work to look after MasterM my [male] manager said "Looking after your family is the most creative job in the world - enjoy yourself"

    And I did. I am quite sure that you will have the same experience.

    In my case the day arrived when I knew that the time had come to go back to work because my children did not need me to be at home any more.

    And so I did and maybe one day you will feel the same but meanwhile enjoy today with your adorable babe.

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  7. I never returned to work after our first, partly because my job was at the other end of the country so practicalities prevented it but mainly because it seemed exactly the right thing to do - life was often hard, money was in very short supply, we had house-swap holidays for years when the kids were small and I was without a car for several years but I don't regret a minute of it - just do what's right for your family and don't give a thought to what other people think

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