Even though I knew in my heart that I wouldn't be returning to work even before my babe was born, I still left it until the last possible moment to post the letter that finally sealed my fate.
"I'm going to wait and see how I feel" I repeated, endlessly, to everyone who asked me, smuggling my decision silently in my heart like a guilty secret.
"It's such a hard decision to make" I said for the benefit of those that were shifting uneasily in their shoes and muttering defensively that they simply 'didn't have the choice'.
"I'm thinking of working from home," I added as a conciliatory afterthought for those who still looked unimpressed by my indulgent indecision.
And so, even though I'd known since I was just a little girl that I wanted to stay at home and bring up a baby I waited and waited to tell the world , putting off the moment when my secret became a reality and allowing myself to believe that it really was a hard decision to make.
Yesterday I finally posted the letter that's been sitting at the back of my mind for months and sitting in my changing bag for days.
I popped it in the postbox and walked away, and it wasn't difficult at all.
It was inevitable and easy and right, and I realised that if I could just have stopped worrying about what other people might think I could have posted it weeks before.