Friday, 29 July 2011


It's strange when James is away. Exhausting, of course. And difficult.

No matter how much support I may get from my parents, no matter how many trips I may organise with friends and no matter how many bright and summery days I may be blessed with throughout the week, the responsibility of parenting is heavy when it falls solely on me. 

I lie awake at night like a lioness, feeling fiercely protective of the quiet little thing that sleeps with its bottom in the air; and even when he's busily engaged during the day or quietly napping in his cot there's a part of me that's alive and alert; watching, listening, parenting.

And even though it's exhausting and terrifying and there's a part of me that's resentful of having to do it at all, it makes me feel powerful in a primal and fearsome way.

1 comment:

  1. My husband was at sea when mine were babies and was away for up to five months at a time. I recognise the feelings that you write about and admit that, yes, resentfulness was certainly there at the hardest times. To be honest, several years down the line, it can still be evident - does it ever go?! - and thankyou for mentioning it, because few people do. (I do enjoy reading your words and seeing your photos .)