Saturday, 19 April 2014

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I filled the house with flowers. I laid the table with the white cloth and wove silk flowers into the edge of his Easter basket. This was her legacy to me and this is my legacy to him.

Friday, 18 April 2014

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It was a day full of so many emotions. Fear. Hope. Pain. Gratitude. But mostly it was about relief. Pure, cool relief.

Thursday, 17 April 2014

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For the first time I let a tiny glimmer of hope sneak through the bars. I didn't know what to do with myself all day.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

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I miss him when he's not here. I wonder if I always will.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

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No matter how mitigating the circumstances it still feels sinfully decadent to read in bed on a sunny afternoon.

Monday, 14 April 2014

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As soon as she walked through the door I felt the weight lift from my shoulders. The wheels are in motion. And I will be carried along.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

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So much laughter. So much silliness. So much joy. Even when I'm cold, tired and troubled I have so much to be thankful for.

Saturday, 12 April 2014

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It was such a terrible start. Guilt. Resentment. Tantrums. For a moment I had no idea how we'd come back from it. "It can only get better" I told him and of course it did. Better beyond belief.

Friday, 11 April 2014

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Sometimes it's just about crossing off the days.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

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I wish we could skip this part and get straight to the bit where we're friends. But you can't cry on someone's shoulder unless you've asked them where they're from and one day I might be very glad that I did.

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

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Several times I let it all overwhelm me. I was so glad we made it to the pool. A swim is always the answer.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

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I reacted badly. But I was so angry on his behalf. How dare they not see how wonderful he is, how hard he's worked, how great he'd be? How dare they?

Monday, 7 April 2014

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When I arrived he was digging for treasure in her garden whilst she cut out easter eggs at the kitchen table. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

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He was completely contented all day. Absorbed in his imagination and enrapt in his games. I wanted to climb inside his head just to see what it was like.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

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Giant shiny pennies and a tiny silver sixpence, swingboats in the rain, a quarter of sweets in a ripped paper bag, a journey down a mine, tiny cottages with smoke curling out of the chimneys. There were too many good things to count.

Friday, 4 April 2014

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He told us exactly how to make popcorn on a campfire. When we told him he'd have to teach us, he danced a little dance. This next stage is exciting for all of us.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

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All day long I scrubbed and swept, polished and sorted. By the time he came home it was a space I could breathe in again.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

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I told her that there is no point worrying about scenarios that may very well never happen. I need to listen to my own advice.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

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I thought I knew exactly what the day would be about, but in fact I had no idea. It was about hot sunshine and freshly dug earth and the first ice lollies of the summer.